Five things you don’t want to hear when trying to conceive!

Mother kissing baby while sitting on meadow in park

As you all know by now, after a miscarriage in November I didn’t think I would be trying again for quite some time. But this month just seemed like a good time and place to start – here’s looking at us I guess! As long as it takes is as long as we will try until we get our little rainbow baby… *sprinkle baby dust here*

baby dust

What I have learnt is that once people find out you are trying, everyone has something to say. Whether you’re part of a forum or support group, a network of hopeful mums or it could even be friends and family – once people know, there’s always something to be shared, read or learnt.

This is my top 5 list of things you’re bound to here once announcing your baby dancing efforts:

  1. When to try and conceive: you can get apps, you can research old wives tales, your mum/sister/nan/aunty has an opinion, OPKs can tell you something different. My mum always said to me 10-14 days after the first day of your last period is generally the danger zone… my favourite ovulation app predicted days 15-20 from the first day of my last period… I’m yet to try OPKs and in my group I have heard anything from the first day after the last day of your period to the first day after the day you ovulate! It can be confusing and conflicting and in all honesty you just need to get to know your own body – I believe learning your CM (cervical mucus) is a good indicator for sure. That’s all I will advise because I don’t want to add to anyone’s confusion.
  2. Someone else’s turbulent journey: There will always be someone somewhere who has been trying for anything between 18-36 months with no success and 5 miscarriages. There will be someone who conceives and then miscarries within days. Someone who has started cramping and their hCG level is droppingIt’s not nice and it is scary. So scary that it’s hard to see past all of these scary stories and remember all the good ones – the people who miscarried and are now 34 weeks pregnant; or went on to have 3 healthy babies. You have to decide what’s best for your own sanity: do you continue talking to these people, remain in the groups etc and get the support alongside the fear or do you leave it alone until you are strong enough to deal with it or until you have conceived and are at a stage you feel secure enough to venture into the currents? Fear isn’t healthy and can affect your fertility if you stress too much!
  3. Gender Picking: “I hope you have a girl/boy”… It happens. Always. Whether it’s your first pregnancy or last, miscarriage or not. People have a preference for whatever reason. In my case, all I want is a baby that sticks around and comes out healthy and I get to raise. Boy or girl. I will take either. As long as I get to keep it! Why does no one ever say, “I hope you have the healthiest baby ever!” (ok, I’m sure if someone said that you would wonder why they think you wouldn’t but you get my jist… wish my luck dammit and go have the boy or girl you want so bad!).
  4. Did your period come? Now this is controversial. One, you’re partly at fault for announcing your baby making plans to the world. You left yourself open to questions BUT it is a sensitive topic. I personally believe if the person TTC says nothing, then ask nothing. Maybe this month wasn’t their month and they just want to move past it without having to go through it all over again. Monthly disappointments aren’t funBe sensitive. Or maybe their period didn’t come but it’s too early to share the news – bottom line, if they have something to share then they will share it. This could be a scary time for them. Be patient but be available if they do want to talk. Do not pry! (just my opinion though…) 

    I’m sure it’s been done…

  5. Are you sure you did IT enough? Am I the only one who thinks this is a bit too personal? We could have done it on only the days we were “meant to” or every day of the damn month. If we didn’t manage to conceive this month, please don’t add any more pressure. Having sex to conceive is hard enough to keep fun without pressure being piled on. And if we don’t know if we managed to conceive yet, please don’t put doubts into our heads about whether we did the dance enough or properly or on the right days. Believe me, anyone trying to conceive did IT enough if not more than! 

Those are my 5 personal pet peeves that I realised this month. If you have ever been, or currently are trying to conceive, feel free to comment below and let me know what you hear/heard that you really wish you hadn’t or let me know what you heard that you wish everyone would say!

Until next time, have some positivity *sprinkles*; some baby dust (feel free not to catch if not TTC) *throws*; and the most important: Lots of love *unleashes a big truckload”!

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