I’ve been trying very hard not to blog about this but someone thought it would be interesting to see what I would say so here it is…
Shy is going to stay with her Uncle & Aunty & Cousins on TBF side. For the first time. Ever. Ever…
When I initially considered it, I think I was on the verge of a panic or anxiety attack. Shy has only ever stayed with my mum and on a few rare occasions my sisters. People she has grown up with since she was born and knows religiously.
Shy doesn’t know her Uncle’s family as well as she could pretty much because I’m lazy and haven’t taken her to see them as much as I should. But lets bare in mind, making Shy know all the family that wants to know her on both my side AND TBF side means I have to do two jobs – his and mine. So it’s not always been easy. But there you go.
Shys aunty has always been willing to look after her… I haven’t been so willing to not look after her lol. I know (think) she will cry for me and be distressed and upset and confused and not understand why I’ve gone and left her. That’s how it is in my head. So I feel guilty for even thinking about doing what I’m about to do which is literally drop her and leave her for the night. No settling in. No warning. The harsh throw in the deep end, sink or swim kinda tactics. I am a bad mum!
But if I don’t do this now, start getting her used to them the hard way (by force) and away from me, we will only have problems in the future. She is clingy as it is and I am possibly starting college in a month. She needs to start spending some time away from me because there will be less than 2 weeks between my enrolment and the course starting and her spending 3 days in nursery!
I will try not to phone her aunty every hour. I will try not to worry. I will try not to feel bad. But I doubt any of those efforts will be very successful.
I worry about Shy getting hurt when she isn’t with me and then I will blame myself for not being with her LOL. I am terribly paranoid and overprotective because I’m used to being her only carer. This is a lot for me.
God give me strength! Please & thank you very nicely.
(I hope this post made you happy!! LOL)