After yesterdays craziness I seemed super calm and composed but Yes, I did end up in tears this morning just from listening to the phone in about postnatal depression on This Morning. And I also tried to push TRMan away because he seems to be coping so much better than me… But he also reminded me that as much as it involved him, he didn’t physically go through it all and it was a pretty traumatic event, the most traumatic event I’ve ever been through. So yes, it is OK to cry still and mourn. But Shy still needs me and I really don’t want to get depressed again so I’m trying to focus on all the good.
I got on the scales today and can honestly say I was happy to see I’ve gone from 61.4kg (about 9.5stones) to 57kg (9stones) which to me is a perfect starting weight post-pregnancy to move forward with. Even if I don’t lose more, to maintain this weight would be good enough for me! There’s been a time probably 6 months ago when 61kg was my weight without being pregnant so I can smile about this at least.
TRMan asked what I wanted to do with everything relating to this pregnancy and I can’t quite bring myself to throw it away, so we have put everything from my hospital band from Sunday to the 6 week emergency scan picture in the folder with the notes to be put away.
TRMan says 2014 is a new year and a time to be thankful for 2013 because we have really had a very good year asides from this, and even this has had its benefits to us as a couple in the sense of making us as strong as I think we ever could be. We are still making plans for next year and continuing with most of the plans we already had minus the family addition for now. This chapter, the new baby one, hasn’t started yet for us so it will wait and the book will rearrange when the time is right.
Today, I am OK. Today I feel like a survivor. And with my family, we can move forward as one.