Up and Down


I am drained. I am struggling. I am overwhelmed. I am trying.

The last two weeks have all been so constant with little break to breathe and collect my thoughts. I don’t think I’ve even had a chance to work out what exactly is going on.

On Monday my bile acid levels etc were all reducing so everyone was happy. By Friday they were creeping back up again – not as drastically as before but still. They’re on the up. So my 14 tablets a day still aren’t good enough.

The plan on Friday before the blood results was: back on Tuesday for bloods, CTG and possible sweep if we could find a doctor who would do it so early (36+4).
My consultant appointment has now moved to Monday and I’m worried they will want to induce before 37 weeks and skip the sweep altogether…

I really don’t want this. I’ve lost so much control already.

Shys missed some nursery due to childcare and TRMan working etc. I think she’s struggling with all the changes and baby isn’t even here yet.

I am exhausted. Between waking up with Shy, trying to carry on with daily life, running backwards and forwards to the hospital, always waiting for bad news when it comes to my blood results, Shy teething, trying to get the house ready, and trying to stay positive and not cry everyday… It’s all becoming a bit too much to be honest.

I cried today. I cried last weekend. I cried in the week at least twice.

that’s all really. This is Real.

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